Stop Calling Them SIMPs: They’re ACORNs — Adult Children of Narcissists
Reframing Hidden Wounds, Reclaiming Integrated Masculinity
The word SIMP has become a cultural insult — a lazy shorthand for men who put a woman’s needs ahead of their own. This term is now evolving in into a more extreme meaning. I have seen influencers on social media take it a step farther, even breaking the word down into an acronym: Sacrifice, Individuality, Masculinity, Purpose — indicating that these men will sacrifice their individuality, masculinity and purpose to please a woman. It suggests these men are weak, self-erasing, or directionless. But the truth is much deeper, and much more human.
What if we’re misreading the real story behind these behaviors? This post isn’t about excusing harmful patterns — it’s about understanding where they come from. Because when we look beneath the surface, we find that many of the men being mocked, judged, and scapegoated aren’t betraying their masculinity. They are survivors of invisible wounds. Instead of weakness, what we’re often seeing are the wounds of ACORNs: Adult Children of Raging Narcissists. These are men shaped by childhood environments where love was conditional, self-worth was constantly undermined, and survival depended on pleasing others. This post invites you to rethink the SIMP label — not just to swap words, but to start a larger conversation about healing, self-reclamation, and the journey from wounded child to sovereign adult.
Breaking Down “SIMP”: Why It’s Not About Choice, But Survival
The cultural insult “simp” misunderstands something profound about trauma. Let’s break it down piece by piece.
S — Sacrifice
The claim is that “simps” choose to sacrifice their needs for others. But sacrifice implies a choice. For someone who has experienced developmental trauma and adverse childhood experiences, it’s not a choice — it’s survival. These men are not fully healed; they are unconsciously replaying the way they were treated by their caregivers. They learned, from the beginning, that their role was to meet others’ emotional needs or risk punishment, rejection, or chaos.
It was never a choice — it was a survival strategy that helped them endure childhood but now prevents them from fully living as adults. Their nervous system craves the familiar, and that’s powerful programming to break. Healing takes time, patience, and above all, self-awareness — something many people were never taught.
I — Individuality
The accusation is that a “simp” gives up his individuality to please someone else (usually a romantic partner). But here’s the deeper truth: men who grew up with narcissistic or emotionally immature caregivers were often never allowed to develop a strong sense of identity in the first place. From childhood, they were conditioned:
Not to have their own needs
Not to express their own preferences
Not to hold their own boundaries
Why? Because in a narcissistic family system, the child exists to regulate the parent — to meet the parent’s emotional needs, soothe their insecurities, and reflect the parent’s identity. So when that unhealed child grows up and enters adult relationships, how can we expect them to:
Instantly recognize they’re enacting old patterns?
Realize their survival strategies are creating toxic dynamics?
Assert individuality if they were never allowed to develop it safely?
They are not consciously erasing themselves — they are surviving inside the only relational model they were ever given.
The problem isn’t that these men “sacrifice” individuality; it’s that they never had the chance to develop it fully.
And shaming them for that is like shaming someone for limping after walking on a broken leg. Healing isn’t about attacking these men — it’s about helping them recognize the pattern, heal the wound, and build the individuality they were denied.
M — Masculinity
The criticism is that “simps” give up their masculine identity or power. But many of these men never had access to healthy models of masculinity in the first place. They may have:
Grown up without a father figure or positive male role models
Been surrounded by men who had already surrendered their own emotional power to maintain peace in unhealthy partnerships
Witnessed relationships shaped by the unhealed traumas of the previous generation
In those environments, masculinity was never modeled as:
Integrated strength
Loving leadership
Courageous boundary-setting
Respectful partnership
Instead, masculinity was either absent, performative, or powerless. So when these men grow up, they don’t “sacrifice” masculinity consciously — they are searching, often blindly, for what real, integrated masculinity even looks like.
P — Purpose
The insult suggests that “simps” have no purpose, no assertiveness, no direction. But purpose isn’t something you automatically have when you come from a childhood of emotional enmeshment. When a child is forced to detach from his own desires just to survive, how can we expect the adult version of him to know his purpose? These men are not inherently passive or aimless — they are learning, often painfully, to reclaim the right to explore who they are, separate from the roles they were forced to play. Purpose isn’t just about career or ambition. It’s about the spiritual calling that lives at the center of who we are — the inner pull toward meaning, contribution, and alignment with something larger.
But when a child grows up where:
Their identity is stifled
Their preferences are overridden
Their dreams are dismissed or crushed
—it’s not just emotional neglect. It’s spiritual abuse. Because it cuts them off from the internal compass that connects them to their deepest truth. Without the freedom to explore who they are, they never get the chance to listen for that quiet, sacred call: Who am I here to become? Healing, for them, is not just psychological — it’s spiritual reclamation.
And that kind of healing takes enormous courage.
Stop Cultural Shaming, Secondary Bullying, and Humiliation
When men mock or shame others as “simps,” they reinforce the same cycle of bullying and powerlessness these men endured in childhood. Instead of supporting them, culture teaches that vulnerability, devotion, or emotional investment is weakness. True masculinity isn’t about dominance or avoidance — it’s about integration, emotional responsibility, and the courage to heal.
The men most often mocked are often the very ones bravely trying to reconnect to their feelings and relationships — they deserve compassion, not contempt. If we want to build a culture of strong, integrated men, we need to stop calling survival behaviors “weakness” — and start calling out the cultural forces that created them. Healing masculinity means lifting each other up, not tearing each other down.
💬 “If we want to build a culture of strong, integrated men, we need to stop calling survival behaviors “weakness” — and start calling out the cultural forces that created them.”
The Double Burden
What’s especially tragic is that unhealed men are often scapegoated from both sides. On one hand, some feminists blame all men for cultural harm, ignoring that many of these men have never held power themselves and are often victims of wounding systems too. Ironically, these men who were harmed by women during childhood are now attacked for being part of the male power dynamic suppressing women. On the other hand, other men mock and shame them, calling them weak, calling them “simps,” pushing them further into isolation.
In both cases, the wounded are punished, not helped. If we want to break cycles of harm, we must stop scapegoating the unhealed — and start asking: Why do we need to blame others to feel better about ourselves? That’s where real cultural transformation begins.
💬“Ironically, these men who were harmed by women during childhood are now attacked for being part of the male power dynamic suppressing women.”
The Real Solution: Look Within
These men don’t need more shaming — they need support, understanding, and a path back to themselves. Healing isn’t about becoming cold, dominant, or performative. It’s about stepping into the integrated strength that comes from knowing and loving who you are. The truth is, the healing many of us need isn’t just psychological. It’s not just about better habits. It’s about something deeper: reclaiming the right to exist as a whole, purposeful, and loved human being.
When men reconnect with their own sense of purpose — a purpose that belongs to them, not assigned by family, culture, or trauma — they begin a journey that is as much spiritual as it is emotional. Because to step into your true purpose is to answer the quiet call of your soul — the one that’s been waiting for you all along.
💬“Healing isn’t about becoming cold, dominant, or performative. It’s about stepping into the integrated strength that comes from knowing and loving who you are.”
What Integrated Masculinity Really Looks Like
Integrated masculinity isn’t about domination or control. It’s about knowing you are capable of harm — and choosing not to cause it. In my own life, I’ve seen this through my aikido training: I know I am capable of causing harm — but I choose the path of harmony and peace.
I see it in how I parent my children:
Reflecting on how I speak to them,
Recognizing when I was wrong,
Communicating honestly,
Listening to what they need, and
Working with them to find solutions.
